I LOVE THE LORD JESUS MORE

Bro. M. Hans Gendut Suwardi

Currently, I am the Investment Director at Yadapen/Pension Fund. This pension fund manages pension contributions for employees of Catholic foundations and institutions in almost all of Indonesia. There are only two Catholic Pension schemes in Indonesia, namely the Yadapen (Pension Fund and the Indonesian Bishops' Conference Pension Fund). Currently, Yadapen/ Pension Fund has 285 members with active participants of around 23,000 employees. The founders and administrators of Yadapen/Pension Fund consist of priests, brothers, sisters from various Congregations and practitioners who are experts in their fields, both lecturers and businessmen. 

Working outside FIC apostolic area, especially with other congregations is not easy. It requires a special struggle. I realized that I was working at Yadapen as a representative of the FIC congregation. This requires of me to be wise and careful in my actions and words. This spirit is in accordance with our constitution, articles 23 and 24, which state as follows: In our apostolic dedication we are expected to work in whatever way and place the Congregation, through our authorities, requests of us, also when the request is counter to our desires, preferences, or judgments. This may be extremely difficult, but as religious we make ourselves available, to the full (art 23). Total availability further entails, that we readily pursue co-operation with others; as when employed out-side our Congregation; and again in subordinate posts (art 24). 

If I had a choice I would prefer to work only within FIC environment. Why? Humanly speaking, working in our own environment will be easier; colleagues and fellow brothers are easier to understand, especially in times of difficulties. But when working outside the Congregation, the parties are not easy to understand because of differences in charisma, spirituality, and other habits. However, God is all-wise. The Lord is with me, so I can live my vocation as a brother while cooperating with other congregations. I feel that God is always present in my life's journey, and I can do all things through Him who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13). That is the motto of my life. I have lived this motto since I joined the FIC Congregation. He is the one who called me to be a Brother. He is also the one who accompanies me in my vocation. 

With this belief, I am happy as a brother, and can confidently continue my task outside the Congregation. I am also grateful for the support and trust from my leaders and fellow brothers. It means a lot because their trust in me makes me even more confident. When I believe in myself, other people will believe in me. I am fortunate to be able to gain a lot of knowledge through meetings and collaboration with priests, brothers and sisters from various congregations. I have also learned a lot from lecturers and businessmen or entrepreneurs, who are administrators of Yadapen. I was accepted to be a part of Yadapen not because of my abilities, but because I am FIC Brother. I am glad with the remark that my presence has brought a fresh and joyful atmosphere to the work. 

In addition to working at Yadapen, I also study at Soegijapranata Catholic University, Semarang. The experience in the first semester made me realize how important it is to learn to read a book. As a 44 year old brother who hasn't studied again since 2004, adjusting to my fellow students who are just only 20, poses another challenge. I am often called grandfather brother. Even so, I learned to feel comfortable with them. The spirit and motivation to study is strongly supported and affirmed in our constitution: “Not only during our formative years, but throughout our lives, we should be open to development, formation, and deepening the meaning of our lives. As persons and as a community we should seek this in various ways. This too is an expression of faithfulness to our vocation. Our vocation requires us to go on training ourselves for our task, to keep abreast of developments in the church and society, to have a ready eye to the signs of the times; and to continue developing our spiritual growth” (Art 115). 

I felt grateful to this Congregation when during the Provincial Chapter 2018, the brothers chose me to be a member of the Provincial Council. I actually felt that I did not deserve to be a Councilor because of my limitations. However, God chose me in spite of my weaknesses. It is for me an extraordinary gift. By asking for the protection of our Mother Mary, I believe I can live this call if I trust in Divine Providence, just as Mary did. I can say with Mary "I am a servant of God, let it happen to me as You said." 

Throughout my life and search for my vocation I have felt God's love accompanying me until this time, and I can say I now feel that I have finally and firmly answered God's love. I recall an experience when I was a Postulant in Muntilan. At that time, my girlfriend's father came to the postulants' community and asked me why I never came again to visit his daughter. I was surprised by the question. After some reflective moments, I told him: "I'm sorry sir, it doesn't mean I don't love your daughter, but I love the Lord Jesus more". My girlfriend's father understood me and the decision I made. He even promised to support me with his prayers to continue my life to be a religious. That is an experience I have treasured to this day. This remains a firm answer to many of my challenges in life, especially when things get tough, I repeat those words again, "I love the Lord Jesus more". 

Finally, I believe that God's plan is truly beautiful in its own time, especially His plan for me. By my calling as a brother and from my life experiences, I know God has loved me since birth. The knowledge of being loved and lovingis a meaningful experience in the vocation of being a brother. It is the experience that makes me love God even more through this call. Living as a brother makes me happy because I always feel God's love not only from my parents or family but also through my fellow brothers, co-workers, and the people I serve. To be a brother is a call to be happy. I am increasingly convinced that God has a way of giving His blessings to everyone. 

[Bro. Hans Gendut is a Provincial Councillor, Supervisor of PangudiLuhur School Foundation, and Secretary of Yadapen (Pension Fund)]