Our Uncle Nico

By Niece Thea

On 1 March, we were phoned around 8 in the evening by Bro. Gerard Langelaan, who told us Uncle Nico had passed away peacefully. 1 March, in the middle of the Carnaval weekend. In one way, it fits perfectly, because our Dutch Carnaval celebrations are part of a religious tradition, even though for him it needn’t all be so loud. But the jokes and quotes that are part of it also fit, he was one of those who were good at them and enjoyed playing along with a serious face. The music of the Carnaval celebrations wasn’t really his kind of music, but music in and of itself was always an important part of his life.

Can I add anything to all those stories and shared experiences Nico shared with his fellow Brothers over the years? I’ll give some stories from my own perspective.

Uncle Nico came into my life in 1985. I was going out with Bernard and in his family, they were always talking about the uncles living abroad. That autumn, Uncle Nico came to the Netherlands on leave and he stayed in Amsterdam at the Postjesweg house. From there, he’d go visiting around the family, and one Saturday evening he stopped with his sister and brother-in-law. We were there and we had a good time, talking together. I told him enthusiastically about our plans to go and travel in Africa for six months. To my great surprise, Uncle Nico said that wasn’t possible. But how could anyone say that who had been living in Africa for years?! I’d been in Africa before, and I said that I’d found there were bus services, and places to eat. And the local people were using those. So why couldn’t we?

So, young and enthusiastic as we were, we went anyway and we had a great six months. Of course that included a visit, in fact two visits, to Uncle Nico, his fellow Brothers, and their dog Charley. We experienced at first hand what it was like to live and work in Zambia and want the best for all those boys. Uncle Nico was trying to teach them as much as he could, and so he’d arranged for a group of boys to correct tests, to work the land, and to help with other activities. For me, just being a guest felt strange and not night, so I helped to make a Diary for the coming school year. I’d cut out Bible texts and quotes, and paste them at the bottom of each page. By way of thanks, he sent me a copy.

I was also very interested to find out how Uncle Nico did his teaching, so I asked if I could attend one day. And my idea was, to sit in the back and listen and watch the proceedings. But Uncle Nico had other ideas, and after introducing me, he invited me to tell them about my journeys in Africa, show them the guide book ‘Africa on a shoestring’ and to answer the questions of the boys. We had a great time. But I never found out what his usual style of teaching was like...

 Above our bed, on the wall, there was a huge spider. We weren’t allowed to remove it, for that was an important assistent for catching mosquitoes. Uncle Nico also told us how to remove leeches from our legs. And fortunately he came with us to talk our tent out of the hands of the Customs service, it saved us a lot of money.

Bernard and I were the first and only members of the family who visited uncle Nico in Africa. It created a strong connection, and we found each other in telling stories and exchanging experiences. That bond remained always.

When he came on leave, Uncle Nico visited not just the family, but also the farmer couple that housed him during the war. He really enjoyed his stay there and helped at the farm.During the years Uncle Nico lived in Africa, contact was maintained through postcards and letters and his leave times.

After he retired and came to live in the Netherlands, that changed. Teaching had become to exhausting, but otherwise he was quite fit and very interested in life all around him. So when the time came to celebrate his 50-year FIC jubilee, great celebrations were planned. He asked Bernard and me to make the arrangements, which we really enjoyed. We spent a family weekend together, and he showed us all the buildings that had been important for him. I won’t surprise you that he had lots of stories to tell, about a shirt made from a flour bag, the obligatory smoking of a pipe to calm oneself, which he disliked intensely, and the weekly excercises and chastising. All made visible in the museum in the attics of De Beyart.

The celebrations at De Schark lasted all weekend. It was all very relaxed and we had lots of fun. So it was a great success, and as a Brother he couldn’t lead a mass so we skipped Church on Sunday. For September next, Nico was looking forward to celebrating his 75-year jubilee. We won’t be able to do that now, but he was the eldest of his fellow Brothers when he died.

Of course, taking pictures for the picture newspaper and making programmes for the monthly classical music meeting were important to Nico, but his greatest hobby was cycling. Logical, the Netherlands is a country made for cyclists. So Nico was given a bicycle all to himself! It was the first time in his life he had a bicycle and he was so proud! After that, he had a tricycle on which he rode many kilometers a year in the region around Maastricht. He kept a pile of notes on the connecting points of the cycling network that was a couple of inches thick.

One time, Bernard and I suggested we go cycling together, and that he really enjoyed; he’d never made a cycling trip with anyone else. We took shelter under the portico of a big apartment building once when it rained, we stopped to eat ‘bitterballs’, ate pancakes in the square, had coffee in a cheerful old café, you understand we made it a real outing. But wherever we went, Uncle Nico always found people to talk to, that’s a real talent he had!

When he could no longer ride his tricycle, we found the duocycle, a great invention for two people side by side on the same tricycle. Bernard had planned a route, and he helped to push us uphill; otherwise, we would never have managed. Jack and Zeljka from Canada also made a trip with him like that, they found it a great and relaxing way to be out of doors together, and they visited some nice places with him.

To Uncle Nico, all the world was new that way. And when we were on the road with him, we found out when we stopped for coffee that we’d never make it to De Beyart in time for lunch, so we let the house know and they kept lunch back for us!

Uncle Nico was very happy with the way they took care of him at De Beyart, and with the support of the Team FIC people. For almost all his life, he had been with other Brothers, and it was very good for him.

All of this inspired us to make a special flower arrangement for today, showing what was basic to Uncle Nico. Faith was the fundament on which his all was built, a flexible but strong faith that kept developing. He had a special antenna for others and for the world around him. Of course, that antenna was also and mostly aimed at the Lord, his focus was always the Light. As he was, a remarkable Brother, he was a beacon of light himself. For that reason we would like to light the candle in the arrangement. For safety reasons we’ll do that outside at the cemetery later on.

At the grave site:

This burning candle gives off light and warmth, especially during the dark hours. Uncle Nico experienced that warmth and ligh himself in his contacts, and in living together with his fellow Brothers. For that reason we want to give this flower arrangement to the FIC community here. May you keep on experiencing light and warmth with and in each other.

And may Uncle Nico, Bro. Johannes Berchmans, Bro. John, be with you a little longer in this way.