“I LOVE THE LORD JESUS MORE” By. Br. M. HANS GENDUT SUWARDI, FIC.

Currently, I have the assignment to work at the Yadapen Pension Fund as an Investment Director. Yadapen Pension Fund is a pension fund that manages pension contributions for employees of Catholic foundations and institutions in almost all of Indonesia. For information, there are only two Catholic Institution Pension Funds in Indonesia, namely the Yadapen Pension Fund and the Indonesian Bishops' Conference Pension Fund. Currently, the Yadapen Pension Fund has 285 members with active participants of around 23,000 employees. The founders and administrators of the Yadapen Pension Fund consist of Fathers (Priests), Brothers, Sisters (Nuns) from various Congregations and practitioners who are experts in their fields, both lecturers and businessmen.

Working outside the work of the Congregatio Fratrum Immaculatae Conceptionis (FIC Congregation) and with other congregations is not easy. It requires a special struggle. I realized that I was working at Yadapen as a representative of the FIC congregation. This requires me to be wise and careful in my actions and words. This is in accordance with the constitutional mandate of the FIC articles 23 and 24 which are written as follows; ”In our apostolic dedication we are expected to work in whatever way and place the Congregation, through our authorities, requests of us, also when the request is counter to our desires, preferences, or judgments. This may be extremely difficult, but as religious we make ourselves available, to the full (art 23) and Total availability further entails, that we readily pursue co-operation with others; as when employed out-side our Congregation; and again in subordinate posts (art 24).

If I was asked to choose, work on a unit owned by FIC or work outside of FIC, of course, I would choose to work within the FIC environment. Why? Because humanly, working in our own environment will be easier, Colleagues and fellow brothers are easier to understand each other especially if we do not work well. But when working outside the Congregation, the parties are not easy to understand because of differences in charisma, spirituality, and other habits. However, God is all-wise. The Lord was with me so that I could live my vocation as a brother and cooperate with other congregations. I feel that God is always present in all my journey and I can do all things through Him who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13) That is the motto of my life. I have lived this motto since I joined the FIC Congregation. He is the one who called me to be a Brother. He is also the one who accompanies me through this vocation.

With that belief, I am happy as a Brother, I am happy to work outside the Congregation. I am also grateful for the support and trust from my leaders and fellow brothers. It means a lot because their trust makes me even more confident. When I believe in myself, other people believe in me. I am fortunate to be able to gain a lot of knowledge through meeting and collaborating with priests, brothers, and sisters from various congregations. In addition, I am grateful because I can also learn with lecturers and businessmen or entrepreneurs who are Yadapen administrators. I was accepted to be a part of Yadapen not because of my abilities, but because I am an FIC Brother. They said that my presence brought a fresh atmosphere, a new atmosphere filled with joy. Praise God for all His works. Everything is beautiful in its time.

In addition to working at Yadapen, currently, I also have an assignment for further studies at the Soegijapranata Catholic University, Semarang Indonesia. The experience in the first semester for me was an experience that made me realize how important it is that everyone should learn to at least read a book. As a Brother who hasn't studied for a long time, my last study was in 2004, making me have to adjust to my fellow students, whose average age is 20 years, while I am now 44 years old, so I am often called Grandfather Brother, Hehehe. Even so, I feel comfortable with the call of grandparents which makes it easier for me to get along with them. The spirit to learn is strongly supported and even affirmed in our constitution: “Not only during our formative years, but throughout our lives, we should be open to development, formation, and deepening the meaning of our lives. As persons and as a community we should seek this in various ways. This too is an expression of faithfulness to our vocation. Our vocation requires us to go on training ourselves for our task, to keep abreast of developments in the church and society, to have a ready eye to the signs of the times; and to continue developing our spiritual growth” (Art 115).

I felt more grateful for this Congregation when in the Provincial Chapter some time ago, the brothers chose me to be a member of the Provincial Council. I actually felt that I did not deserve to be elected as a member of the Provincial Council because of my weakness and limitations. But God through the brothers did not punish me for my various weaknesses but instead gave me a truly extraordinary gift. By asking for the protection of the Virgin Mary, may I be able to live this call by surrendering and trusting in Divine Providence so that I am worthy to speak the words of the Virgin Mary, namely I am a servant of God, let it happen to me as You said.

That was my experience in undergoing my vocation as a Brother and responding to the love of God who first loved me. God's love and calling were owned in my heart when I was conceived and born to my mother at an advanced age. God continues to love me so that I finally firmly answered God's love. Like my experience when I was a Postulant at FIC in Muntilan Central Java. At that time, my girlfriend's father came to the Postulate and met me. He asked me why I never again came to his house and saw his daughter. I was surprised by the question. However, I am aware and responsible for what I do. After sharing stories with each other, firmly say "I'm sorry sir, it doesn't mean I don't love your daughter, but I love the Lord Jesus more". My girlfriend's father understands about my life decision. He supported and prayed for me to continue to be a good Brother (religious). That experience is what I still remember to this day. A firm answer that I keep remembering, especially when there are many problems when life gets tough when the world's pleasant offers keep coming, I said those words again, "I love the Lord Jesus more".

And finally, I understand that God's plan is really beautiful in its time especially God's plan for me. Calling my name to be a Brother of humble experience and from a very human experience. The experience of being loved and loving is a meaningful experience in the vocation of being a Brother. It is the experience of being loved and loving that makes me love God even more through this call. Living as a Brother makes me happy because I always feel God's love not only from my parents or family but also through my fellow Brothers, co-workers, or the people I serve. To be a Brother is a call to be happy. I am increasing convinced that God has a way to give His blessings to everyone.